Abandonment and Loss
by Hank Baker
A while back I had the pleasure to work with a lady over the phone.
We had three conversations lasting about a hour or so each.
On boxing day her husband comes home and proceeds to pack his bags and
announces that he is leaving. She looks out side and sees a woman sitting in
the car and when she asks him who that is sitting in the car he responds “oh
that’s my new wife”. Six weeks later her father dies from a heart attack.
She was seeing a psychologist for her husband leaving and another one for her
father passing away. These visits had been going on for four months or so. She
was also going to a support group for her feelings about her dad. Her feeling
of loss with her dad had gotten to the point where she could just think about
him and become over whelmed with grief and sobbing uncontrollably.
My first conversation established some simple ideas about how the brain process
information and while in the process of doing so requested of her to 1. get a
different perspective by going meta. 2. id the feelings within her, about her.
The reduction of the stress level was that she could explain to me how much she
missed about her dad, and what she could do in the future in relationship to
him. The over whelming feelings where gone.
She called a couple of days later and we continued about her inner feelings and
she identified some base feelings and more situations where she had the feeling
of abandonment.
Our third visit on the phone had her right into the feelings of her
abandonment. Using the process of having her go back to before her brain first
learned how to do that feeling (abandonment). She was in the process of being
born, while she was still in that state I posed the question “were you being
abandoned or JUST being born. I a waited her response. Her reply was no I was
just being born.
When I had asked to recall the feeling of abandonment it was not there and the
tone of her voice had also indicated other states when she was very
resourceful.
Follow up took place via her friend who had recommended her. It was about four
months later that I met up with her friend and I inquired about her as she had
not made any further phone calls. She told me that she was completely
astonished at how I was able to do what had happened over the phone. My
thoughts were if you NLP there would be no mystery about it. So she had learned
how to have a choice and was continuing to do so.
I really tried to keep it short I think most of you can figure out most of the
process that where made to fit her circumstances. I do not think that finding a
label and then applying a NLP procedure is the only way to go as Richard
Bandler says NLP is not process but rather a process that leaves a trail or
some thing like that.
HANK BAKER
habaker@shaw.ca
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