A while back I had the pleasure to work with a lady over the phone. We had three conversations lasting about a hour or so each.

On boxing day her husband comes home and proceeds to pack his bags and announces that he is leaving. She looks out side and sees a woman sitting in the car and when she asks him who that is sitting in the car he responds “oh that’s my new wife”. Six weeks later her father dies from a heart attack.

She was seeing a psychologist for her husband leaving and another one for her father passing away. These visits had been going on for four months or so. She was also going to a support group for her feelings about her dad. Her feeling of loss with her dad had gotten to the point where she could just think about him and become over whelmed with grief and sobbing uncontrollably.

My first conversation established some simple ideas about how the brain process information and while in the process of doing so requested of her to 1. get a different perspective by going meta. 2. id the feelings within her, about her. The reduction of the stress level was that she could explain to me how much she missed about her dad, and what she could do in the future in relationship to him. The over whelming feelings where gone.

She called a couple of days later and we continued about her inner feelings and she identified some base feelings and more situations where she had the feeling of abandonment.

Our third visit on the phone had her right into the feelings of her abandonment. Using the process of having her go back to before her brain first learned how to do that feeling (abandonment). She was in the process of being born, while she was still in that state I posed the question “were you being abandoned or JUST being born. I a waited her response. Her reply was no I was just being born.

When I had asked to recall the feeling of abandonment it was not there and the tone of her voice had also indicated other states when she was very resourceful.

Follow up took place via her friend who had recommended her. It was about four months later that I met up with her friend and I inquired about her as she had not made any further phone calls. She told me that she was completely astonished at how I was able to do what had happened over the phone. My thoughts were if you NLP there would be no mystery about it. So she had learned how to have a choice and was continuing to do so.

I really tried to keep it short I think most of you can figure out most of the process that where made to fit her circumstances. I do not think that finding a label and then applying a NLP procedure is the only way to go as Richard Bandler says NLP is not process but rather a process that leaves a trail or some thing like that.

HANK BAKER
habaker@shaw.ca